As I sit down once again at my computer, continuing with all that is anatomy and physiology, medical terms and a presentation of the endocrine system looming in the darkness I can't help but want to take a nap. Almost a month in and my ability to function on little to no sleep is increasing, granted I think I was ahead of the curve. Lately it seems as though my entire existance revolves around this computer. I tote it to school, typing at every chance. Drag it home to type until my face hits the keyboard, signaling bed time.
It's definately an extreme uphill battle, and so far I've faught my way through it. I finally feel as though I can see the big picture that contains all the assignments to be done and all the pages to be read. It took a long time, in relative terms I guess, but I'm getting there. I hope that the up coming tests don't go as badly as I think they might. I fortunately have a little bit if time left to study, it's not quite the time to panic just yet. Well unless you include the general apprehension that is always nipping at my ass. I can do this.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
If Only I Had Listened To Everyone
I put the truck into park in the school parking lot. Beside my window a figure stands, I wait for him to pass, but instead to taps on my window. It's a familiar face. The face belongs to man that had been hired on the fire department with me. A classmate if you will. I dismount the vehicle, my hair's done, but otherwise I'm a mess, still tired from the late night of A&P reading. He's dressed in a uniform and looks well rested. "What in the hell are you doing here, run, run while you still can, it's not to late!" he says. He's not quite amazed to see me attending school to become a medic, he is more amazed that anyone would subject themselves to this particular level of torture. "Aw come on, it's not that bad." I fire back with, as we walk inside.
Now I've been taking fire classes for three years straight and it wasn't that long ago that I finished college. It seems like a distant memory now. I've managed to forget just how much work this is. The technical college that I attending was great. The fact that I almost already knew the material was even better. There were hard times and a couple of late nights working on projects, but I don't think I ever had to study. Sure I paged through books for random facts or interesting topics. But it was never material I didn't know something about.
You could knock my of with a feather this time around. It feels as if my head in not correctly fitted to my shoulders, it spinning around as it does. Learning all the medical terminology and anatomy and physiology and this and that and more. Read this and this and this tonight, there's a quiz on this Tuesday and a test of Friday, oh by the way have your papers done for Monday. Have a fun weekend. Christ what weekend. It's not like I get to sleep in or anything. I just don't have to drive to school. I've muttered the phrase, "If so and so can do it, I certainly can." Well I might not have much respect for the knowledge some people have now, but I certainly respect their level of commitment then.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
God this sucks.
Now I've been taking fire classes for three years straight and it wasn't that long ago that I finished college. It seems like a distant memory now. I've managed to forget just how much work this is. The technical college that I attending was great. The fact that I almost already knew the material was even better. There were hard times and a couple of late nights working on projects, but I don't think I ever had to study. Sure I paged through books for random facts or interesting topics. But it was never material I didn't know something about.
You could knock my of with a feather this time around. It feels as if my head in not correctly fitted to my shoulders, it spinning around as it does. Learning all the medical terminology and anatomy and physiology and this and that and more. Read this and this and this tonight, there's a quiz on this Tuesday and a test of Friday, oh by the way have your papers done for Monday. Have a fun weekend. Christ what weekend. It's not like I get to sleep in or anything. I just don't have to drive to school. I've muttered the phrase, "If so and so can do it, I certainly can." Well I might not have much respect for the knowledge some people have now, but I certainly respect their level of commitment then.
How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.
God this sucks.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
On With The Madnes
It's official, I'm a college student once again. Compared to the private tech school I attended previously this community college is a whole new beast. My tech school was modeled in strict accordance with the expectations our future employers would require. Professional attire, impeccable sense of time management, ability to function as a team member and so on. What a wake up call, not that my class is not professional, they come on time and for the most part don't swear as much as I do. But times have changed and kids are different now, a little less respectful of the staff and the rules they've made.
What a week. On top of the workload to become accustom to during the first week of class, I also had to deal with my fire department commitments and still study for an additional state exam. Saturday could not have come quick enough. Right now the class is of course quite basic and boring. The teachers do a good job of making it interesting and inspiring fantastic discussions that attempt to get everyone passionate and involved.
Friday concluded the week with a water rescue review and practical. It was a nice end to the week, "playing" around in a pool, practicing with back boarding and rope bags. The instructor brought in his scuba gear and let us monkey around with it. Which I thought was an absolute blast.
It appears that the coming months will continue to be busy with assignments. I can't wait to get into the topics that make medics medics though.
What a week. On top of the workload to become accustom to during the first week of class, I also had to deal with my fire department commitments and still study for an additional state exam. Saturday could not have come quick enough. Right now the class is of course quite basic and boring. The teachers do a good job of making it interesting and inspiring fantastic discussions that attempt to get everyone passionate and involved.
Friday concluded the week with a water rescue review and practical. It was a nice end to the week, "playing" around in a pool, practicing with back boarding and rope bags. The instructor brought in his scuba gear and let us monkey around with it. Which I thought was an absolute blast.
It appears that the coming months will continue to be busy with assignments. I can't wait to get into the topics that make medics medics though.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
The Nerves Tighten
I'm fairly anxious but largely apprehensive regarding the fast approaching start to my paramedic course. I agonize over the transition from full time employee back to college kid. Will I be able to view class and homework like I do my job? Using intrigue to power me through the course. Or will I falter at the starting line maybe mutle through only to ultimately fail later? Can I really do this? I'm filled with doubt in every direction. It's my nature to be the know-it-all and always strive to find the details no one else cares to know. But looking ahead to the larger pond, I'm scared. Hell, can I even make enough money to keep the lights on?
It seems the difference between role model medics and their less competent counterparts is quite large. I can't help but look at some medics and think, "If they can do it, I certainly can." And with that I continue on. Buying the notebooks, highlighters and pens, I feel like an elementary student getting all his school supplies ready. Should I buy glue sticks or bottles? I need to stop by the college and get my books and a couple of identification badges. Then swing by the uniform store to pick up the required apparel.
So I sit, as prepared as I can be, waiting for the green light and buzzer that signals me to approach the door and take that big leap, free falling, hoping my chute opens and I will eventually land comfortably.
The trip will no doubt be a mixture of scared shit less and pure exhilaration.
It seems the difference between role model medics and their less competent counterparts is quite large. I can't help but look at some medics and think, "If they can do it, I certainly can." And with that I continue on. Buying the notebooks, highlighters and pens, I feel like an elementary student getting all his school supplies ready. Should I buy glue sticks or bottles? I need to stop by the college and get my books and a couple of identification badges. Then swing by the uniform store to pick up the required apparel.
So I sit, as prepared as I can be, waiting for the green light and buzzer that signals me to approach the door and take that big leap, free falling, hoping my chute opens and I will eventually land comfortably.
The trip will no doubt be a mixture of scared shit less and pure exhilaration.
Friday, December 14, 2007
My Birthday Weekend
Christmas must be approaching quickly as it's time again for my birthday. Other than the obligatory knock down drag out party I will have this weekend, it seems this weekends festivities will be nice and low key. I still find it interesting to sit back and examine how the dynamic of my friendships change with time. Looking back on the years I've had and the experiences that time has provided, it always amazes me to grow up just a little more. One more rung up on the ladder, gaining yet another vantage to view from. My ever changing values structure, shifting this way and that. Watching life change around me, as friends marry and start their own families. Adding more people to the party. Creating a larger more extending family then before. Spouses and maybe kids now attend our functions, before maybe a fleeting girlfriend would wonder through, gone just as quick as she arrived, on the next. "What was her name again?" "Never mind her, meet Liz, she's the new one."
I've always thought of my life in the context of a story. Weighing somethings on whether or not they would add an interesting chapter to my life as a book. Wondering if "this" would be a good story to tell me children, would they learn anything from it. Will they think daddy's crazy for leaving everything and starting medic school. Will they even comprehend this train of thoughts.
As I look back at another year spend, I'm happy. I don't think I've squandered to much time. I've taken the time to smell the roses and enjoy the warmth of sun on my face. Wrestled this my nieces and let the dogs lick my face. I'm content.
I've always thought of my life in the context of a story. Weighing somethings on whether or not they would add an interesting chapter to my life as a book. Wondering if "this" would be a good story to tell me children, would they learn anything from it. Will they think daddy's crazy for leaving everything and starting medic school. Will they even comprehend this train of thoughts.
As I look back at another year spend, I'm happy. I don't think I've squandered to much time. I've taken the time to smell the roses and enjoy the warmth of sun on my face. Wrestled this my nieces and let the dogs lick my face. I'm content.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Oh The Holiday Rush
I know I'm not alone when I say, damn the holidays are busy. It seems as if the population triples, people are everywhere. More on the roads, at the grocery store and of course at any retail shopping center. Even the hole-in-the-wall places that I go to cannot escape the masses.
The one thing that has been fairly slow is our call volume. The ice and snow covered roads have not produced their yield of car accidents, Thanksgiving did not send anyone to the hospital for heart attaches, no tried to pull the plug on themselves. Average citizens might believe that it is the holiday spirit keeping everyone safe, I put more stock into human nature. As we know the tides will turn. I express no ill will to any one, but a little excitement might be nice.
Due to the shackles of a normal day job I was unable to join in the festivities of our latest house fire. Which really pissing me off. Working close to home has advantages, but the fact that the pager picks up the tones sometimes is not one of them. Sure I get to listen and laugh at some calls, and cringe at others.
On the bright side I hooked up with an outfit that will allow me to function as a fire instructor in live burns. Which is awesome.
The one thing that has been fairly slow is our call volume. The ice and snow covered roads have not produced their yield of car accidents, Thanksgiving did not send anyone to the hospital for heart attaches, no tried to pull the plug on themselves. Average citizens might believe that it is the holiday spirit keeping everyone safe, I put more stock into human nature. As we know the tides will turn. I express no ill will to any one, but a little excitement might be nice.
Due to the shackles of a normal day job I was unable to join in the festivities of our latest house fire. Which really pissing me off. Working close to home has advantages, but the fact that the pager picks up the tones sometimes is not one of them. Sure I get to listen and laugh at some calls, and cringe at others.
On the bright side I hooked up with an outfit that will allow me to function as a fire instructor in live burns. Which is awesome.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Weekends
As I start the week I feel slightly more drained, even for a Monday. Friday was nothing more than an alcoholic blur of bar hopping culminating in a game of basketball at 0430 in a community recreation center. My friend is the caretaker and lives on site. Saturday was filled with fuzzy headed four wheeling in the cold overcast weather. The unexpected dip in the river turned the ride into a wet cold cloudy day. But fun was had by all, with no human injuries we were left to limp home on machines that were not be built tough enough for how we ride. We broke one half shaft, completely submerged one in the river and ruined the transmission on another. I arrived home just in time to slip into bed and get a little rest as I started my on call shift 0800 Sunday morning.
The gods apparently decided that sleeping in was not needed as the tones went off at 0830 for a minor call I can't even remember. Easily enough we turned the call pretty quick, just in time to attend breakfast with the usual group. I bob and weave my way down the buffet line and hit the table ready for round one. I grasp the first piece of perfectly cooked bacon, not crisp nor undercooked but perfect. After savoring two bites of the coveted meat I'm stolen away as the tones go off again. I feel like I'm singing the 100 bottles of beer on the wall song, as it just another minor call, the only detail to change is the run number. 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer...
I return in time for my much needed nap, I've gone the extra mile, I'm not messing with the couch, going straight for the gold I crawl into bed. It was awesome, the floating peacefulness as I drift off the sleep only to awake to the nextel and my girlfriend, both parties unaware of my plan. This time a fire truck had an issue requiring a little attention, we did everything we could, but this one is for the surgeons, call the mechanic. I'm back home in a half an hour, will the bed still be warm I think to myself. Well with the tones yelping at me I will never find out. The call sounds promising, an assault ending with a stabbing. The patient walks away with a nice laceration, which is almost surgical looking and the attacker walks away with the PD. Bleeding was controlled before we arrive, turns out it's another minor call, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer. We sailed into the ER, a little pump fake for the ER tech and I find my running back nurse, the hand off is flawless, we're back on the road in minutes. Now a little break, I found someone to cover my calls while I attend nice calm hockey game. The was great, a nice reprieve. Back home and in bed, I will sleep tonight, I insist. Although fun the weekend has taking it's toll and I'm ready for a nice quite night to sleep, leaving me somewhat ready to start the week. Mr. Diabetic saw to it that very little sleep would be had, and of course he takes oral meds and is having issues with them, so he wins the prize of an ambulance ride at 0030 in the morning. Like a snail I drag myself home, slivering into bed, I grab my pillow and hope for silence, I haven't even taken the time to grab the blankets, I leave my socks on.
Almost two whole hours fly by, until Mr. My Tummy Hurts, calls in the reinforcements. I felt sorry though, having the flu sucks, but your wife that was up and followed us in her SUV probably could have brought you in too. But hey I guess I can't think of any better way to piss away a grand then on an ambulance ride. Now it's 0330, I'm tired, the hospital now hates me as I've just about filled up there ER and all I want is a little sleep before I do this all over again tonight. I collapse into bed, I'm asleep in seconds, the weight of the night acts like a heavy quilt and sends me peacefully to sleep. I slept through the night until 0600 for the alarm clock. I had to check the pager to make sure I hadn't slept through anything as I know I was dead to the world.
Now as long as I don't fall asleep at the computer or driving home I can look forward to another night of not sleeping. God, why am I starting medic school?
The gods apparently decided that sleeping in was not needed as the tones went off at 0830 for a minor call I can't even remember. Easily enough we turned the call pretty quick, just in time to attend breakfast with the usual group. I bob and weave my way down the buffet line and hit the table ready for round one. I grasp the first piece of perfectly cooked bacon, not crisp nor undercooked but perfect. After savoring two bites of the coveted meat I'm stolen away as the tones go off again. I feel like I'm singing the 100 bottles of beer on the wall song, as it just another minor call, the only detail to change is the run number. 99 bottles of beer on the wall 99 bottles of beer...
I return in time for my much needed nap, I've gone the extra mile, I'm not messing with the couch, going straight for the gold I crawl into bed. It was awesome, the floating peacefulness as I drift off the sleep only to awake to the nextel and my girlfriend, both parties unaware of my plan. This time a fire truck had an issue requiring a little attention, we did everything we could, but this one is for the surgeons, call the mechanic. I'm back home in a half an hour, will the bed still be warm I think to myself. Well with the tones yelping at me I will never find out. The call sounds promising, an assault ending with a stabbing. The patient walks away with a nice laceration, which is almost surgical looking and the attacker walks away with the PD. Bleeding was controlled before we arrive, turns out it's another minor call, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, 98 bottles of beer. We sailed into the ER, a little pump fake for the ER tech and I find my running back nurse, the hand off is flawless, we're back on the road in minutes. Now a little break, I found someone to cover my calls while I attend nice calm hockey game. The was great, a nice reprieve. Back home and in bed, I will sleep tonight, I insist. Although fun the weekend has taking it's toll and I'm ready for a nice quite night to sleep, leaving me somewhat ready to start the week. Mr. Diabetic saw to it that very little sleep would be had, and of course he takes oral meds and is having issues with them, so he wins the prize of an ambulance ride at 0030 in the morning. Like a snail I drag myself home, slivering into bed, I grab my pillow and hope for silence, I haven't even taken the time to grab the blankets, I leave my socks on.
Almost two whole hours fly by, until Mr. My Tummy Hurts, calls in the reinforcements. I felt sorry though, having the flu sucks, but your wife that was up and followed us in her SUV probably could have brought you in too. But hey I guess I can't think of any better way to piss away a grand then on an ambulance ride. Now it's 0330, I'm tired, the hospital now hates me as I've just about filled up there ER and all I want is a little sleep before I do this all over again tonight. I collapse into bed, I'm asleep in seconds, the weight of the night acts like a heavy quilt and sends me peacefully to sleep. I slept through the night until 0600 for the alarm clock. I had to check the pager to make sure I hadn't slept through anything as I know I was dead to the world.
Now as long as I don't fall asleep at the computer or driving home I can look forward to another night of not sleeping. God, why am I starting medic school?
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