Back in the Saddle, Somewhat

So being as last might was the first time I had been in an ambulance in just about six weeks, I thought it was worth writing about. The body of this post will of course consist of me ranting about people I hate, despised and generally like to talk shit about. Just to clear up things, I did not take a six week vacation. It just so happens that on our department we have EMS Teams. Each team covers the city for 48 hours straight, less the time you are at your regular job. I work from roughly 0700 to 1700, meaning I will respond up until about 0530 and start again at about 1730 give or take traffic. Obviously there are people who work nights on my team as well and they of course cover the day portion that I miss.

Call comes in for a older lady with chest pain. My usual medics are working a full arrest so I have two "fill ins" that will meet me and the rest of the ambulance crew at the scene.

Welcome to what I will call the "body" of the post...

Medic #1 calls in, "I'll be responding to the scene."

Medic #2 calls in, "Medic #2 same traffic."

About this time I all I can think about is Chris Farley in Tommy Boy, talking about jerking the wheel into a god damn bridge endbankment. I, like always push on, hoping that Medic #1 won't talk forever as she always does and the Medic #2 will not be the bitch that she usually is.

Before I go any further I feel it fair to air the dirty laundry and talk a a little regarding the reason for my distaste.

Medic #1, has been a medic for four years I would say, pulls down a ton of calls a year as she can jump on a call if they need people or so on. Now it's not that we are short medics, it's that when you hear her call in you probably think twice and decide not to go. She will scare people right off the rig. Mainly because she is annoying, talks a lot and I mean a lot, (about the dumbest shit I've ever heard and it all falls on deaf ears as no one even pays attention), she will argue that her treatment is correct or the most appropriate every time. The only time I will ride with her is when I have to or no one else has called in and they are short people, NEVER by choice.

Medic #2, I don't even care to know how long she has been a medic, maybe eight years or so. She's the perfect cookie cutter medic, the problem better fall into something that resembles a topic in our medical direction book, cause the patient surely won't receive anything else. She's bossy has no leadership skills and to top it all off, please continuing reading and you'll see

My very first experience with this gal was at a CPR refresher regarding the new AHA guidelines. You had to of course show your could perform and for only like a minute.

AHA instructor: "Alright, now we will go through and let everyone practice doing the new CPR, pulling our hands off the chest wall to allow for maximum recoil, any questions?"

Medic #2: "I don't do CPR, that's what I have EMTs for. Plus it hurts my wrists."

DONE, SEALED, OVER, MY FIRST OPINION OF THIS TWAT WAS FOREVER BURNED ON MY BRAIN. How dare you even utter something like that you snot nosed little prissy. Unbelievable and she is a firefighter to top it off. Yes this gal had to at one time play ruff and get dirty and pass some sort of physically agility test, but can't bother to do CPR for one minute, as if it is beneath her.

No, I'm sorry I reserve CPR for the peasant, the slightly trained chimps, you know the ones, strong back weak mind, the mouth breathers, knuckle draggers and so on. They are the ones who should be practicing, seeing as like only 2% of full arrest actually come back they might need to practice on saving a life instead of me. I just pushed the drugs like the little book tells me too. Oh squiggle line like that I push this, oh it changed to that squiggle, the book says push this next.

Thank you, that was very cathartic.

Anyway the call went relatively painless, big mouth didn't really talk to much and cookie cutter was semi-pleasant and kept to herself.

Another life saves, another check on the wall of insanity.