Oh, Newbies

On the same topics as the last post I give to you this fantastic story.

Dispatched for a three vehicle accident, one party requesting evaluation. BLS.

No problem, I know the location, have a crew and we're on the road. We arrive to two medics who were nice enough to stop by and check it out. They give me the medic version of "This ain't my rodeo, cowboy," and they take their leave.

I'm left with myself, I will have to drive as the remainder of my crew cannot. I have one EMT currently in medic school and a student accruing clinical hours. The patient, being a nurse herself knew the extent of her possible injuries and had requested an ambulance due to the MOI and the advise of her father, a career firefighter medic himself. Sounded fair enough to me. Now she wasn't a small gal mind you, but not huge either, maybe a pleasant 220. We placed her on the back board after collaring her. She was all situated and strapped in, with a concerned look on her face.

"Ma'am just let us know if we can pad anywhere to make this more comfortable?"

Her response was a first for me.

"I know it's a strange question, but my boobs aren't hanging out are they?"

Now trying not to look at some one's boobs but being asked to look at some one's boobs created a rather uneasy feeling.

"They're big and the cleavage has a tendency to shift, so I just wanted to make sure," she says.

"No ma'am I assure you you're covered up and everything is where it's supposed to be." "If you like we can through a blanket over you in the rig?"

"No, that's fine."

She had a good sense of humor about the whole thing, which was very nice to work with. Even if I had been asked to check her boobs while her dad stood next to me.

In the rig I help out as much as I can before we get on the road, I get a set of vitals as my "partner," god I use this term very loosely too, starts getting her information. The last thing I hear is,

"What medications do you take?"

Her only response is, "I take birth control."

Now I have to stop here and give a little more background info on my so called partner. He is all of like twenty, has the life experiences of a coddled hamster. An only child, no girlfriends that we've ever heard of and maybe been an EMT for a year. He is in medic school and of course has the "But, I'm a medic student attitude." He is just about to learn one of many lessons he still needs to learn. Something real life might have taught him, had he not been such a jack ass for the majority of his life.

His dumb ass response was,

"So you're pregnant?"

I haven't the faintest clue what this poor women, who is a nurse by the way is thinking as I hear this from the front seat.

She responds with, "No, I'm just fat."

I manage to contain my rage at his incompetence and drive to the hospital without incident. We exchange some info with the ED. Newby goes to write the report and I to clean up the rig.

Now for the ride home.

I open with, "Newby, why on god's green earth would you go ask a women on birth control if she is pregnant, are you really that f-ing ignorant? Do you have any idea how dumb you just made your (I'm a medic student-I just studied that-we did this in school) ass look? Not to mention she is completely educated in our chosen field and now probably thinks I'm just as retard as you."

The look he shot back solidified that fact that his mom might have drank a little to much while pregnant with him.

"Well I... I... I heard the word birth and..." as he just trails off.

I retort with,

"Newby I know you have a hard enough time trying to sniff a women's panties must less get into them, so that's out, you don't have sisters, so that's out, but for Christ sake at some point in time didn't you get bored while sitting on the toilet, so bored in fact you might have needed to read something. And maybe, just maybe that something came in the form of a tampon box or a birth control?" "Hell do you even watch TV, I'm pretty sure that they tell not to take if your pregnant or would like to become pregnant."

My tirade last a little longer as I continued to grind his ass.

Now I'm not mean hearted but this kid is one who needs to be knocked down a peg, but for some reason never really gets it.

Good luck in school, junior.